My Dearest Addie,
How are you one today? With tears in my eyes I have to tell you that I am so very proud of you. This year has been such an incredibly tough year, and yet you have worked so hard to overcome every single obstacle that was brought your way. You’re a fighter just like your dad and I- you’re the pink ninja.
My pregnancy with you wasn’t easy. In fact, I was at the doctor often. I had food poisoning before the 2nd trimester and I remember being SO worried that something was going to happen to you. I tried to not take medications because I was so stressed that they would hurt you. I also had terrible nausea and vomiting throughout my pregnancy because of acid reflux. I remember daddy trying to get me to eat chicken noodle soup to make me feel better and getting me ginger ale, sprite, and other remedies. Later, I got cholestasis- a liver and bile issue that 4% of women get. It makes you itchy, and it makes your bile go into your bloodstream. It’s also why we planned to have you early.
When I thought things couldn’t get tougher- we found out that you had genetic problems and you would be born with a sacrococcygeal teratoma. It was the scariest time of our lives. We went to have your anatomy scan at 18 weeks (because I just couldn’t wait to 20) and the ultrasound tech said that you were a girl. We cried and knew right then and there you would be Addison Olivia. But then, moments later, the tech said we’d have to talk to the doctor. Our doctor explained that you had a physical abnormality and I would have to go to a special doctor. What we thought was going to be the happiest day for us turned out to be so very scary. We cried and called your grandparents, worried that you wouldn’t be ok. It was then that I realized I was going to be relying on God a lot. I prayed. I prayed CONSTANTLY for you. While I was teaching, while I was eating, while I was driving…it didn’t matter where I was, I constantly prayed for you.
Then we went to your special doctor appointment. They asked if we would want to “terminate” you because of your genetic abnormality. I cried. I want you to know that not ONCE did I ever think about that. We would love you NO MATTER WHAT and I was appalled the doctor was doing his job by asking me if that’s what we wanted. After talking with him for a longer period of time, he wanted to do an amniocentesis. I cried. I didn’t want them to accidentally hurt you. We ended up doing it, and they were able to run some genetic tests on you. All the big markers came back negative and we were relieved for some time. Still, we saw your special doctor every other week for the rest of my pregnancy to watch your SCT to make sure it stayed the right size. I kept praying for you, for your special doctor, and for us. God was the only thing keeping me going.
After a while, we had to visit Texas Children’s to get 2 fetal MRI’s on us. That was pretty scary too. SO many strangers coming and doing tests on us. I remember crying just wanting you to be safe and ok. God was with us though, and got us through the testing and gave us lots of great information about your SCT and your heart. We left those appointments feeling good, knowledgeable, and better just knowing you would be fine.
The summer went on and my blood pressure got really high. I went to the hospital twice because of it. I saw stars when I got up from the couch to go to the bathroom. That’s all I was allowed to do. I crafted lots of beautiful things for your nursery- baby closet dividers, your name for above your crib, a birth announcement wreath (the one that’s on your door), and of course, I helped daddy put your furniture together. Ok, I didn’t reaaaally help him- but I did boss him around and tell him where to put everything. At one point, on a Saturday night (the day I was going to have my pregnancy pictures taken with you), my blood pressure got scarily high. Too high for my liking and I just KNEW. I knew it was time for us to go to the hospital once more.
Daddy freaked out when I told him it was time to go to the hospital. I was only 35 weeks and we hadn’t intended to pack our bags until 36 weeks. I calmly grabbed my things, daddy packed his, and we went to the hospital. We called everyone and told them it was time to meet you. This. Was. It. I was scared, excited, nervous, and happy all at the same time. They wanted me to try labor- something mommy never anticipated. I was always told we would do a c-section, but the doctors said it’d be ok to try the natural way. I labored all Sunday and by Monday early morning, they decided you and I couldn’t handle it. We were going to have to go into surgery. The first of many.
I got ready, daddy got ready, the family got ready. We took pictures and were off to the operating room. It was time to meet you. I was strapped down to the table with my arms out. There was a drape so I wouldn’t see my insides. They gave me some funny drink before surgery and as they were pulling you out, I threw it all up. I had one guy sucking away the vomit, while daddy quickly told me you were here.
But…I never heard you cry.
In fact, they took you away so quickly because of your SCT that I never saw you. I didn’t realize either that you were struggling to breathe also.
Daddy told me how beautiful you were and that he would be back. He had to go meet you in the NICU. We knew you’d end up there because of your SCT. In fact, we thought you’d be there for a month to have surgery and recover. We had no idea that day. Still, daddy went with you to the NICU, took lots of pictures of you, and met your nurse. Then, he came to get me. I felt like it took FOREVER for them to take me to meet you. But then, my nurse said we were free to go. They took me through the hospital and into the NICU. Bed 23. I held your hand and told you how much I loved you. I felt like I only saw you for 2 seconds, though I’m sure it was a lot longer. Then it was time to go to my room to recover.
I slept and pumped and slept and pumped and slept and pumped. Pumping was one thing I felt I had control over. Each day I strived to pump as much as possible so you could grow big and strong. I remember the first time I wanted to see you in the NICU. I made daddy take the wheelchair and I pushed it (empty) all the way from my room to the NICU. Let me tell you- it wasn’t easy, and it was pretty far! I was determined to see you though. Daddy went to the NICU at all hours of the day to bring you milk for you to eat. He saw you more than I did and I got jealous. It’s hard trying to recover so a mom can be her best for her baby all while worrying about her baby! You were a good girl though, and your nurses took very good care of you.
One night we went to the NICU and I cried after I saw you. You had been crying (which I thought was so cute and recorded- the one and only time I heard your sweet voice before you were intubated), and I felt awful leaving you. I cried in the hallway and when the nurses saw me, I asked them to make your space more home-like. So, Nurse Kelsie drew your name out in paint and made gorgeous animals to hang up as well. It made me feel better even though it was something so silly.
I also got to help do little things with you and each little thing was so amazing. I didn’t care that my stomach felt like it was going to rip out of my body, all I cared about was standing over that Giraffe bed, changing your diaper and giving you a sponge bath with Nurse Monica. It was the HIGHLIGHT of my day. It kept me going.
After a few days, I was discharged. Sweet pea, I want you to know how AWFUL it was to leave the hospital without you. It was SO painful. My heart was ripped out of me and it NEVER was easy to leave you at the hospital. I had heard it was incredibly important for me to recover and take care of my mental health, so I always went home at night, but trust me, I never liked it. I even remember the one time that you were unhappy when we left. I sobbed in the elevator and told your daddy I felt ridiculous for wanting to go back to make sure you were ok even though I knew your nurse was taking good care of you. I wouldn’t let him leave the parking lot when we got to the car, and he walked all the way back up to the NICU, took video of you happy as could be again, and then I felt like I was going to be somewhat ok leaving you for the evening. We would stay SO late to be with you to do your nightly “hands on” time. We would want to do any little thing possible- diaper changes, temperature checks, blanket changes, sponge baths, probe changes…whatever we could do so you would know we loved and cared for you. We spent many nights driving back incredibly late because we could never tear ourselves away from your adorable self.
Do you remember the first time I held you? Oh, I do. I felt like the days beforehand were SO LONG. It wasn’t fair that I didn’t get to hold you right away, but trust me when I say that you were worth the wait. I will FOREVER treasure our moment together. The second that Nurse Monica gave you to me- I was in heaven. Yeah, I cried, but it’s because I had never seen someone more precious in my life. My dream of holding you finally came true! It was magical to me. We spent many days after that just snuggling for hours. I’d have to pee and would hold it for 4 or 5 hours JUST so I could hold you. I knew that if I put you down, it’d have to be for the rest of the day because you had so many cords, so I always held you as long as we both could possibly stand. Remember Nurse Amanda changing your diaper on you while you were laying on me? That’s pretty impressive, huh?
Days turned into weeks. Weeks turned into months. We spent 6 months in NICU. You had 6 surgeries. We spent Halloween (as the fawn, doe, and hunter- remember?), Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year, and Valentine’s Day in the NICU. Holidays were the worst. THE WORST. Especially Christmas. We hadn’t anticipated you being at the hospital so long. We hadn’t anticipated PDA surgery on your heart. Or the trach. Or the g button. Or the craniotomy. All we had anticipated for was the SCT. I tried my hardest to make the holidays the best. We would decorate and bring the holiday to you. We would take pictures, dress up…the whole nine yards. One of your neonatologists told me it didn’t matter that you weren’t home yet, because we had made a home for you in the hospital. After all, home is where you are, right? You were the one of the few babies in the NICU with a halloween costume, and the only one with a Christmas tree. You also had the most adorable Valentine’s onesie and brought your nurses lots of chocolate since they had to work. We even went to Texas Children’s again because we thought you would need a heart procedure. You got sick there and spent 9 days with us in Houston. We had a lot that we overcame in those 6 months. A LOT. Those 6 surgeries that came with complications, withdrawals, recovery, stress, and more. Still, you overcame, and with mountains of prayers, you pulled through EVERY surgery and complication.
Then, came discharge. We had an “overnight” weekend in a room at the hospital to show everyone we could take care of you on our own. It was AMAZING. We had a few things go wrong (like having to call everyone because you were clamping down and we had no idea why), but mostly it was so great. I was overjoyed. We laid in bed and snuggled with you. We camped out in our little room eating pizza, watching tv, and just snuggling the mess out of you. It was like a piece of heaven. Something SO simple as snuggling with you in bed was finally attainable. Something that most moms get to do the day their baby is born, but we had to wait until you were almost 6 months old. It was magical though and I thanked the Lord for bringing us so far. I’d never felt so amazing and ready to take you home!
Once we got you home though, things got scary. You cried a lot because of the new environment and because your nursing was unreliable. You cried because you had many appointments and it was cold outside, but you hated to be bundled. You get hot easily. Still, I made the best of it and we would play and play and play all day. We worked on therapy exercises and would read books. We would snuggle and you would pet Pearl. We had a blast despite your breathing problems. I was on cloud 9. I was elated. Yet through it all, I knew something wasn’t right. After 6 days of having you home, we took you back to the hospital. That story- I’ll share with you another day…
Going to the hospital was tough. Daddy was working so I had to take you by myself in the ambulance. You couldn’t go back into the NICU so we took you to the PICU. It was familiar, yet different. We were told you’d be there overnight or so, but after sleeping in your hospital room for a week, we realized you’d be there a lot longer. 4 months to be exact. We spent Easter, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, and Memorial Day in the hospital. This time it seemed a little easier because we knew the drill. Child Life was amazing and always made sure we had things to craft with or the Easter Bunny to take pictures with. They were amazing. While in the PICU we finally got the diagnosis as to why you needed your trach other than “respiratory failure”- you had bronchomalacia.
Bronchomalacia! It made perfect sense! When you cried your airways would slam down and you wouldn’t be able to breathe. It was why you had so much trouble at home! Praise the Lord we finally had a diagnosis! We worked very hard to get you to a place of comfort, of not being sick, of not needing a ton of meds, and after those 4 months…WE WERE TAKING YOU HOME AGAIN! At the end of June, on June 22nd to be exact, we took you home FOR GOOD.
It took forever to get you out of that hospital. Daddy and I were incredibly antsy and irritable because we JUST wanted to grab you and take you home, but we had to deal with paperwork, medicines, and more. Finally, around 3 pm, we went downstairs with Nurse Liz, and put you in the car seat with all your gear. We drove home as a family and I cried happy tears. Do you know how long we waited for you to come home? TEN MONTHS, LITTLE GIRL! You have been home now for over 2 months. You’ve gotten sick twice since you’ve been home, but you’ve managed to stay out of the hospital. You’ve had countless doctor appointments, many therapy sessions, and more, but you have been AMAZING and have done so well.
Addie, you are one heck of a fighter. You are SO dang strong. You put the strongest men in the world to shame because you are stronger than them! You know why? Because the Lord your God watches over you. He protects you. He loves you and fights for you. He has sent an amazingly strong team of angels to watch over you. You know those angels- They’re the Neonatologists, the Intentivists, the Nurse Practitioners, the Residents, they’re the Social Workers and Case Managers. They’re Nurses Monica, Patricia, Kelsie, Amanda, Devon, Megan, Mandi, Megan, Emily, Stephanie, Julie, Gracita, Trevor, Liz, Carin, Courtney. They’re RTs Julie, Erin, Donna, Alissa, Karen, Rosali, Wendi, Brian, and Wendy. (Gosh I’m SURE I forgot people- I’m sorry!) You have one AMAZING team of angels that had the opportunity to watch you, take care of you, and love on you. Guess what? They still do!
I know God brought you into this world for a reason- to spread His word. Did you know that you are touching hundreds of thousands of lives? You have over 52 THOUSAND readers on Facebook that await for your pictures JUST so they can pray for you. You have almost 20 THOUSAND on Instagram who LOVE seeing your face and who pray for you daily as well. You have SO MANY people that love you. They are your angels as well. They are your prayer warriors. You know how I know that they love you too? Because you got SO many birthday cards from them and each person wrote the most incredibly touching words. Words of love. Words of hope. Words of encouragement. Words of praise. They’ve been watching you. They’re praying for you. They were sent from the Lord to watch over our family.
This year has been tough. I know it’s been just as tough (if not more) on you, than it has on us. Yet, you show God’s love and mercy each and every day through every single thing you do. You give us reasons to stay positive, to have hope, and to rely on Jesus. You have made me stronger in my faith. You have shown me what unconditional love is. You have done SO much in your first year of life. If this is just your first year- the world is going to have to watch out because we know God has HUGE things in store for you and your life.
You are my everything. I am so proud of you. Thank you for being my daughter and allowing me to be your voice. I hope I never let you down. Now, do me a favor- let’s make your second year WAY less dramatic, ok?
I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND ALWAYS,
Mommy
Tears streaming down my face… HAPPY BIRTHDAY ADDIE!!! You are one amazing little girl and I cannot wait to see the great things God has in store for you.
Stephanie – you and Matt are such incredible parents. Thank you for sharing this. Big prayers for the next year!! xoxo
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY ADDIE!!!! I remember having a rough year of my own like this with my daughter so I sit here with tears flowing knowing all those feelings of bringing her homr and not going back to the hospital!!! God is truly awesome and I cant wait to see whats in store for Miss Addie because he’s not finished, the best is yet to come!!!
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Happy Birthday Addie!!! I have enjoyed each and every post of you. My heart is so full when I read them and makes me so happy for you to be doing so good! God is good, God Bless..
Happy birthday Addie!
All the way from Australia we are sending best wishes and big hugs for your birthday.
You are so beautiful and such a treasure. Your mama is an inspiration.
Bless you baby girl xxx
Oh my gosh! This was the sweetest letter in the world! Happy Birthday beautiful baby!
Good morning and Happy Birthday, sweet Addie,
This birthday means so much. Through you and your family people around the world have laughed, cried and prayed and seen what God can do and how strong, loving, faithful parents and one tiny, tenacious little baby are progressing every day. We all celebrate along with you and look forward to your every accomplishment and watching you grow. Much love, Judy
Oh, the tears are flowing over here!! Happy birthday, sweet Addison! Stephanie, yes, Addie is a fighter, but so are you. You are one of the strongest women I know. You have handled this past year with such grace, optimism, positivity and faith in Him. I am blown away how amazing you and Mathew are as Addie’s parents. You should celebrate yourselves today, too. You did it. You made it through all of the ups and many downs of the year and you have an incredibly beautiful daughter to show for it. I am honored to call you a friend!
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Happy First Birthday Addie♡
What a beautiful letter you wrote! Tears streaming down my face. Looking forward to pictures lots of them! (;
Happy birthday and God bless you, Addie! What a year you’ve had, but Your mommy is so right, God has so much awesomeness in store for you! Sending love and birthday wishes from Houston
Happy Birthday Addie! You are such a lucky girl to have such love! I hope you enjoy YOUR day celebrating YOU!
Happy!! Happy! 1st Birthday to!! You! Addie
May God Bless you!! Much Love to you Always!
Baby Girly! Angel
Huggies and Kisses, from: Jean & Lana Marie Bushey
OOOOOOOO XXXXXXXXX OOOOOOO XXXXXXXX
What a precious tribute to your precious girl. Happy One Year of Motherhood!
Dear Addie Happy Birthday! You have many angels watching over and two of the mots loving parents I have ever seen! Congratulations Addie and cheer’s to the best second year ever
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This is such a beautiful post, Stephanie. Happy birthday to sweet Addie!
Happy Birthday Miss Addie!!!! What a eventful first life you have had!! I can’t wait to continue your journey and watch you grow big and strong! Keep fighting baby girl, I will continue to pray. Pray for your health, for your strength and for Momma and Daddy to be strong too!! You have such a beautiful family and beautiful faith!
I love the part of my day, when I check IG, and see your beautiful faces!! Have a wonderful birthday, I hope you get to try some cake 🙂
I finally had the chance to read your post! ALL THE TEARS! I look a hot mess right now! HAHA! I already have a snotty nose (head cold) so add big ole tears to the mix and I’m an attractive sight! Haha!
I have so much love & respect for you & Matthew! I don’t know how you guys have managed to keep your heads up this past year! Addie sure is something special! All the love for all 3 of you guys (and some for Pearl too Lol)
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This letter is just too precious and I cried here at work while reading this. Stephanie, you and Matthew and Addie have been in my prayers for the solid year and more when you first started posting about complications. Its astounding how many followers you have and I have about 20 friends who follow Addie’s blog. You’re bringing people together by prayer for sure.
Happy Happy birthday to Miss Addie girl!! Big hugs and cheers.
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Happy Birthday Sweet Addie. I have been following you from day one. I am so proud of you and your parents. I pray your second year is a great one. God Bless you all. Keep fighting Sweet Pink Ninja.
Happy Happy Happy Birthday Addie!! and I know It will be a great one, you have the greatest parents in the world, I have follow your story from the beginning and hope to keep following as long as you allow. Angles and our Lord Jesus Christ always be with you. Have a piece of cake for me. lots of love xo
This is such a beautiful post, Stephanie. <3 You all are such a strong and loving family and have persevered through so much! Happy Birthday to your sweet little Addie! 🙂
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ADDIE! I have watched the miracle of you since the beginning and I cannot believe you are 1 year old! I love seeing your pictures on Facebook and have loved watching you grow. You are such a trouper and a fighter. I am so proud of you and even though we’ve never met, I love you!
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Such honesty and love. Your little girl is so lucky to have you in her life. May her second year be filled with joy.
Happy Birthday Sweet Addie! You are amazing. Special prayers for you today and always…
I have been following your blog for a few months now but I don’t think I have ever commented. You, your husband, and Addie are three of the strongest people I have seen. I can’t wait to see the updates on Addie and how amazing she is doing. My son, Brandon, who is now 7, was born 14 weeks prematurely. He spent almost 3 months in the NICU before he came home. I thought that was a long time so I can’t even begin to imagine what it was like to be in the hospital longer than that. I am so happy that Addie has been home and doing so well. I pray for her everyday.
Happy 1st birthday Addie! You are an amazing little girl.
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Addie….is happy to say Happy Birthday and ashamed that i didn’t say it to you on your actual date…i was moving and myself didn’t even know where I was standing for a while. I’m one of thousands of your biggests fans. My son left to the Marines in July and believe it or not Miss. Addie you keep me sane…you keep me going daily…you are my addiction and mymotivation to keep.going ( i’ll explain to.you when you get older).. I see and read about you daily. You Addie have become part of my spiritual and in someway part of my family. I say out loud at home let me check on Addie and everyone knows what that means already and ask about you. You are amazing little girl. Lots of hugs and kisses from your other family ( lol) down in Pembroke Pines, FL.
Stephanie, thank you for sharing your precious baby girl with us! I look forward to seeing your daily post about Addie. She is absolutely beautiful and brings a smile to my face daily. As a mother I can only imagine what you have faced and over come. Thank you for sharing your love for Christ, and yours and Matthew’s testimony on how the Lord has blessed you both and how his faithfulness has pulled you both through this ordeal. Through Christ all things are possible! You guys are a true inspiration! Forever in my thoughts and prayers!
So. much. love. It’s perfect, as is your love for the Lord. Blessings on this momentous birthday, and here’s to many, many more! xoxo
I have written and followed you on Facebook but never saw this. I loved the pictures, but just bust out crying when she came home, even though I knew the ending. I didn’t know Addie spent 10 months in the hospital. June 22nd, a magical day, at 3 Pm, the hour .A special hour to Christians, one Addie sure has shared. I told you I had for 23 yrs the last 2 bedridden, but now the Lord has blessed me with healings. I know you mentioned Addies breathing getting better. Do you have a date set for when they will take the trachea out. I want to know and follow as we are prayer warriors.
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